we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
