How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
