the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
