His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wear drunk well.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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