I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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