i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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