last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
