Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
