chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
