I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
