I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
