my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
