I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
