Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
