I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
