Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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