There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
