I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
