Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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