my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
