I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
