Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
