Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
