i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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