between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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