oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
