Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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