Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
