Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
