another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
