he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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