You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
