What a fucking waste of an outfit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
