I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And then he peed in my hair
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