i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
