singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
