Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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