I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize