SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
