mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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