Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
