you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
