Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
