my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
