Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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