So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
