i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
