I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
