Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
