i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
